let lemons be angry

Everything is happening tomorrow. WHY.

It didn't take much time or ice cream to make me forget Unhappy Thing One, and it didn't take long before i was over Two and Three either. But in this one hour all these things are coming back. And the rest of these few weeks can't even be put down as neat items to strike off, it's just a mass of whatever. I understand that people need to be humbled, and that adversity ultimately builds perseverance, and that You won't give me more than i can bear, but i'm breaking, i'm breaking, i'm breaking. There's one too many sad things. Just one too many. I'm reliving this day last year exactly, except that so much has changed. What are letdowns, and what is sadness? I should start my own Neo-Dadaist movement and point out to the deluded world that there is no point in anything.

No, i will not sit down and do nothing just because i don't see the point in it. It's just that too many things are wanted of me at this minute, and all i want to do is soak in sheila's uncle's pool and let everything else float by. I'll close my eyes and laugh as they rush on in their anxious ways and tie themselves up in more knots than they can count. And then i'll go to gramophone and buy all the cds i want when i should be doing something else. A day for myself, out of this and out of you and in one place.

My laughter and my happiness earlier today wasn't faked at all. I'm not capable of painting on a happy face. So don't worry about me or think i have more layers than it seems, because i'll tell you when i'm really sad. But you. Can you tell me, please. I cry for you, do you know that? I still remember the day you laughed and tore me up. And then there's the other you, who i worry about too. I don't even have time to worry about myself.