let lemons be angry

All the things i had planned to do in my first week of holidays fell to pieces. I ended up in bed with a fever for two days, and couldn't make anything out of the rest of the week. Sigh. On wednesday i go to korea, something i wish i had more excitement for. I think of korea and i think of loud fair koreans pouring out their incessant language, i think of steaming rooms and kimchi, i think of grey streets and strawberry ice lollies. I really have no idea what seoul will be like. It's Korea, the land of the people i've been fated to meet everywhere i go, since i was born. I know more koreans than any other race, i daresay. And now i have to pack, which i hate doing, as it takes clothes out of my wardrobe. Maybe this trip will change me, maybe it will be the great turning point in my life after which i will always want to holiday in Korea. I surrender all my cards. After all, i was all revved up for japan last year, and look what happened there.

Let's see. Pieces of my week. I spent a whole day at nj just drawing and drawing and drawing, trying to find that elusive "nuance" that mr chia speaks of. I'm quite sure he uses the word wrongly, just throws it about because he likes the sound of it. But i shall work until he looks at my work and says, "Ah! Nuance!" I converted my balcony into an art room, and (ahem) i have brought back the whole set of markers. It isn't safe in school where grubby hands can rearrange them, and i need them for my project. So i've been slaving away over the maddening mad hatter, and learning that i can use pen and marker like the brush.

The nj people are fascinating in their own way. There are many types that artists can fall into, and they're the nice type. They're not the poetry-spouting, pessimistic, more-intellectual-than-thou hogwash type; they're not dramatically flamboyant; they're just simple people who don't flash their talent. I was so enthralled by zhonghong's animation, and he was rather happy that i was. He kept showing me little films he had made, films that none of the others had seen before i did, simply because they're not the kind to poke their heads over his computer and ask to be shown around. And then there's Kelvin with his architectural project. He's making an entire condo, and the very determination he has to slave away on those precise cuts amazes me. They're a wonderful bunch of people. I can't click with them cos they're really quiet, but i can be awed, and i can work in their environment.

I'm reading kundera's immortality, and i'm scared at the amount of truth in it. What if he's right, and what i've always wanted is immortality and nothing else? Not love, but immortality?

And yesterday's meeting... I think joel knows i don't like him. I was giving off boredom, eyeball-rolls, retorts, sudden silence, stares in rapid succession, and he just went on and on like a puppy on drugged coffee. But we're all supposed to "agree wholeheartedly with each other", right? So eyeballs aside, i did try. And i'm happy because of what we all achieved, and i'm happy because of something else. Bong would have had a laughing fit if she was there yesterday. When mentos guy appeared i had this great urge to remind him of the mentos incident. Oh Bong hurry back, so i can make you laugh until you turn blue.