let lemons be angry

I think i made it a game to play your game
And let myself cry
I buried myself alive on the inside
So i could shut you out
And let you go away for a long time
But i can't say the chorus, not yet.  I will, in about one week. 
 
Today i laughed at myself.  Who did i wear green for?  As if what i wear contributes to what i say.  I wonder if i'll ever grow out of that LittleGirlSyndrome, which declares clothes a non-verbal communication to chosen persons.  And now i feel kind of sad for cheryl.  She will lose so much more because she had so much more.  You can only lose something if you had it, is that what they say?  Actually i beg to differ.  You can lose something you never had.  I think i lost something the moment she gained it.
 
red flashing lights
another false alarm
 
as if you regret all those good times
 
Don't tell me the last thing i want to hear because i'll think you don't mean it.  I understand how God can get impatient with mere mortals and their frequent sincere-for-now apologies and temporary repentance.  They'll fall again and again and promise never to fall once more, and God listens and loves. 
 
are you waking up holding your breath?
i am.