let lemons be angry

I think today was a really good day. I think yesterday was a really good day too.

I kept thinking of viknes today, lost out there last night with no handphone and no sense of direction, for a good two hours. Whereas i am much too smart to be actually lost for an hour, but let's keep that a secret. I arrived early at renji's house and got to watch 5 children playing in the garden. One can arrive to some sort of conclusion, looking at 5 children playing, that it would be a good life to have many children.

I watched eternal sunshine finally, and i wonder if i'm the only one whose heart was breaking because of it. The first moment was when he scrambled on the sheets and said, "not this one, let me keep this one", and then when their gloved hands touched on the ice--all the memories he realised he could never ever let go of. Whether the two of them were compatible is beside the point; memories in themselves are precious. What are we without memories, anyway? What would you have to occupy your mind as you stand idly in a queue, what would you cling on to when you've run out of present things to make you smile? I've always fought against forgetting. I was fighting when i wrote sa-chan emails everyday, i was fighting when i sent over the photo i kept in my wallet, i was fighting against being forgotten. Forgetting is, to me, the greatest crime, and being forgotten is the saddest fate. I still fight now, when i say things out of the blue. On my mind always is the fear that i will disappear from that map in your head.

So, yesterday. First was the pink wedding and the groom's unforgettable speech, and everything beautiful about weddings--the flowers, the bride, the walk-in song. I will be here. And then it was the class bbq at renji's house. It's seldom that the girls and guys actually sit around and talk like that, and it was nice. We are all different and i can't say we liked one another at first sight, but now it works just right. Sherman and his "sixpence 'known' the richer", ivan and his nose/armpit/leg/face hair, roy and his "solid", jason and his smoked chicken wings and piano piece. Not a fine array of qualities, but the combination of everything is an eccentric kind of funny. I want more nights like that, just as a class. Then i met nic for the first time in..five months? Feel kind of bad making him cycle/walk down only to have a sit-down for what seemed like two seconds. But strangely the parrot story tied up the day in a nice way. Imagine this okay. You're just walking along the street, and behold, you see a parrot just sitting/standing by the roadside. It doesn't move, so you just pick it up and carry it home. And then you discover that it says "good morning". So it's not only a tame cuddle-ble parrot, but it's also a well-wishing one! It gives me hope somehow, knowing that such things exist. And then there was the walk to jess's place, my father's childhood home, and a night asleep in a house full of stories.

Today was good because of yesterday.