let lemons be angry

I met the cutest little guy today. My precious ao maths formula sheet fluttered down three storeys to the area outside lt 1 and he picked it up and walked away. I ran down and up and everywhere looking for him, and into dustbins and corners in case he'd chucked it away like any normal jerk would. Then i made a notice along the lines of "give it back" (but more polite and official) and stuck it on the door of lt 1. Then i saw him see it..when he read it.. when he realised it was him.. he was so excited and happy to say "yes it's me! it's me!" Turned out he'd put it into his locker, the dear boy, and when i asked if he'd thrown it away he was like "never! never! i never throw away!" Haha. He ran there and back and presented it to me. Nice to know there are such cute people around. I've met plenty of people who don't know the first thing about relating to strangers. Oh dear, i think i won't be able to recognize him if i see him again, cos i'm rather bad at faces. I would so much hate to walk past him as if i didn't want to remember him. Talking about faces, i'm sure i saw melissa today, but when i smiled and smiled she just kept looking away. Rather embarrassing if it wasn't her, and worse if it was, but i'll probably never see that fake/real melissa again, so Never mind.

I hope i can finish my art project by next week. "Why create art?" was the question i couldn't answer on friday. I still don't really know. For satisfaction? To provoke the imagination of the viewer? To send a message? What am i trying to do with Alice and her friends from Wonderland? It seems like they've taken on lives of their own, and they're characters with their own secret busy lives beyond the drawing board. They're not my way of expressing this Wonderlandness in me, they're expressions of themselves. Can i say that without sounding absolutely looney? But i can almost hear their voices and see how they'd move. I don't want to give this up. I don't want to stop making a study of this, i don't want to stop burning hours for that final deadline, i don't want to stop doing art. But there's so much else to do and there's only one life. I'm more aware of the Much Else than anything. That's why i'm still clawing on to this thing called ao maths despite the rate of 2 sums per hour, despite my crazy boredom with numbers and all that. There's one door that i can't close. But now i'm aware that if i walk through that door, i'll be saying goodbye to a whole other world that i've been happy in all my life. I'll try to do both things, even if it means going to ntu all by my lonely self and being cut off from the anti-ntu crowd. That means all of you.