let lemons be angry

So i'm the great adventurer, like all of you. We're all following treasure maps that we drew ourselves with crayons on drawing block. Don't get eaten by monsters on your journeys. I know I won't, not with my sword. Whether you're a hunter in the americas or a noblewoman in european high society, remember to come back. We'll gather in a tavern and clank foamy mugs together and rave about our conquests like big burly men. Meanwhile I peek at all of you through my magic mirror, this wonderful little contraption that lets me talk to you with typefaces and jpeg images.

I'm really pushing myself. Everyday i come home dizzy and fall asleep on my white couch as if i had hauled bricks at a factory. I've been working on my snow white project, and now i'm attempting to draw sculptures. I wish i could take part in the home club flea market but there's no time for that. And little desire as well.

And what goes on in my mind all the time? Bits of myths that star me, bits of nonsense really, compared to what's going on in the world. I hate myself for being one of the last to know what's on the news. What kind of a problem is losing my mother's dress on the bus, when people elsewhere are waiting for earthquakes and bombs, or crying because of what they just discovered about their own fathers. Families draw tight to stop those tears. What is film, what is fashion, what is music, compared to real comforts that are much needed in other homes? I despise my indulgence. I would pour out all my time and energy into my craft if there weren't more important things to love. J, you are so soft now, and though i hardly know you anymore, i can be sure you're still that little girl who was almost my own sister. You used to take me into your parents' room and show me secrets. Laughable embarrassing things now, but i would listen to any of your secrets. Our house is built on tradition, year after excrutiating year, but now i see the importance of that. If i ever fall, more than twenty pairs of hands will catch me, more than twenty pairs of eyes will close in prayer for me. That's my hands for you, my heart, my prayer.