let lemons be angry

"I chose you to lead my people Israel when you were just a shepherd boy, tending your sheep out in the pasture."

1 Chronicles 17:7

If any verse sums up 2006, this is it, first read when the van was trekking through hills in thailand and the rest of the band was fast asleep. David was the greatest warrior king, but God already loved him when he was just a shepherd boy. I spent 2006 doing a lot for God, probably more than I have in previous years, but God loves me the exact same way He did when He first saw me. I could list out all the good things I've done, but honestly they don't make a difference to His love for me. As if I could ever offer up anything of worth to the Creator of the universe. Rather, serving God has taught me about His love and power.

A friend asked how I could bear to give up my time to go to thailand and the kids' camp, and all these camps this december. I thought about it a few times and realised I didn't understand the question. It's not a matter of being able to bear it; it's not a sacrifice at all. Spending time completely in God's safe pastures is the most refreshing thing there is to do. It's rest, it's coming up for air. Out of his pastures, there's only aimless wandering in town and spending money on drinks and dessert, and discussions about fashion, careers, ambiguity, random characters and the future, all of which are fun but run around in endless circles. There is a certain charm about the despair and confusion of mortals, but I'd rather forsake that charm for certainty and calm.

Soon I will be back at the painting easel, and to typography submissions (my most horrendous grade of my life). But it will be nice to go back remembering the things that I've left parts of me in: the close-knit circle of dancing bears and lousy girlish girls, the glamgirls and our mexican 31st, shaomin and chai foong. There's only so much time we have. We have no choice but to make it count.

And now, I shall finally rest at home and not go anywhere, and stop living out of my brown batik bag.