let lemons be angry

It's still the little things that keep me going, like how bizarre painting classes always are.

We walked in yesterday to find a new little indian housekeeper waiting to be painted, wearing a bright blue punjabi with the most jewels i've ever seen sewn onto anything, and little pointy indian shoes. Joan was getting us to throw balls of string over the pipes on the ceiling so we could hang up lanterns and kites. It was some sort of Asian Paradise seen through Western eyes, with indian cloth lanterns, red chinese lanterns, mini chinese dragondance puppets, shocking pink cherry blossoms in a jade vase, a white porcelain indian elephant, two enormous chinese fans, chinese paper kites (a rooster and a goldfish), and sari cloth draped over a chair. And our housekeeper in her punjabi smilingly perched on top of everything, holding onto the mini dragon.

Bizarre soundbite:
Little indian housekeeper: "Make sure you draw my feet! (smiles and giggles) Otherwise how to walk! I can't walk!"
Joan: ".... She has a point there."

....

And, hmm. What legacy do I want to leave?
I had one goal for my career: to be featured on the pages of Illustration Next or a volume in that vein. Just my headshot and a one-page bio, and two pages of my signature work, just one out of fifty illustrators noticed this time round.

I never had any greater goal. To own a shop maybe. To be eccentric and odd and make things that people sorely want. But as far as legacies go, I've had no clue. I'm completely conscious that everything I want is fleeting.

There's nothing wrong with that on one hand. In a fallen world, there's still some sliver of beauty to be grasped, and there is poetry in being damaged and ever-changing. To fall hard and laugh hard, and feel limb pulled from soul, and to be happy with small day-to-day happiness, and to sit a while in sadness when everything ends. Better than being bored.

But what do I really want to do? If you think that all I care for are fashion and music, you don't know me very well. A goal is one thing. But I hear the word "legacy" and immediately know that I haven't thought about it yet.