let lemons be angry

I've never been a dropout. Instead I take deliberate breaks from responsibility so that I feel like I've dropped out, and that has been enough to keep me going. Like all the lectures I skipped to take naps in quiet places, and letting deadlines crawl by while I take my time at the computer. I never feel guilty, not even today. I'm too tired to feel guilty.

Ironically I'm strongest when I'm least responsible. I become assertive, firm, decisive. I told my tutorial group mate that we don't have to meet tomorrow, and the many sound reasons for that, and now he doesn't expect me to show up for their meeting. I told my mother that if I leave sss, I'll leave without guilt. If a "profitable" Sunday is the goal, I don't see what's so unprofitable about resting and being fed.

Responsible Me melts into a malleable mass of irresolution. I do things because it's easier to just say yes to people who don't really know me.

Beware now, I'm tired and busy. There are many things to skip, many duties to shirk, before I become sane again.