let lemons be angry

The Clash has the same bass-and-beat-heavy, careless sailor male vocal, upbeat sound as this generation's in-between bands like Franz Ferdinand and Modest Mouse. Somehow that sentence makes me want to add that i rode behind my uncle on his vespa today. He doesn't know that i've already told my cousin that i want his vespa for my wedding present. Oh no, i'm not serious. I will get my own one day.

I've reached that stage where i'd just like to take a break from parties for a while. Hence my absence at tonight's new year party. Besides the usual few christmas parties, i had my own little gathering with turkey, bread et al; the other really significant one was the mission trip thanksgiving at tim han's house. Beautiful house, beautiful food. His parents own that expanded chicken noodle shop at holland v, as well as long beach seafood restaurant, as well as the most wonderful house i've been to, i think. I now have one more salad recipe that will win compliments.

My birthday was spent enrolling in driving school, thanks to my enthusiastic father. I hadn't even washed my face when he announced his plans to register me immediately. So now i have joined the ranks of those who own blue pouches stuffed with driving theory manuals and a printout schedule of my next classes. I had dinner with manda, renji and dawn at fosters, and found a white and purple bouquet among a stack of things waiting for me when i arrived. I love my friends. Azi, i'm afraid, doesn't love me as much as she claims she does ("more than you'll ever know"), or else her spirit is willing but her flesh is weak. Being the wishy washy disappointment that she is, she stood me up two years in a row by backing out of my party at the very last minute, and she also failed to come to fosters because of her very Celebrated time-planning skills which made her finish her uni apps the night before submission. Loves her friends indeed.

I spent the first half of today making cornflake cookies, or helping out here and there at least. Then i took the forementioned vespa ride to church for worship practice. Worship leading has changed dramatically since meta. There used to be weeks when i just had this horrible feeling after worship whether or not we had played well. It was as the song says: "when the music fades, all is stripped away", and to my horror sometimes i found that nothing was left when the music faded. No worshipping heart, no light within that comes from having met God or pleased Him. Just the silly pride we carry about, which makes us play a rift well, or do an extra slide or fill-in. But after meta, i think everyone kind of woke up and saw the point again. It is a horrible thing to lose sight of one's first love.

In one step i'll be graduating from one body and moving back in as a "co-teacher". It's one of the reasons i didn't want to go to the party tonight--i need to press the pause button before everything changes. I will have free weekdays, busy sundays, added burdens, new fears, new breakthroughs, driving classes, new priorities, new allowances in my tailored life. My mother switched suddenly from wanting guys ten miles from me, to declaring that she hopes i'll find a boyfriend quickly so she won't have to worry about me. I don't understand this thing about milestones that come with age. Just because 365 days have passed, every part of my life has to change tomorrow.