let lemons be angry

I miss cooking. I think that if I had less on my hands, I would be crazy enough to take it up again and do the Indulge party. Thank God i'm too busy then. I can't remember what goes into stuffed mushrooms or the last time I chopped something up.

That said, I'm desperate for a new project. I don't mean one with a deadline. Projects for me have always meant life change. That is what dawn meant by "we need a new project" on my tagboard. There have been the food project, the flea market project, the turt project, and the drawing project. There was talk of a do's and don'ts photo blog project among the GGs, but it never materialized.

I've been reading Rick Warren's Purpose-Driven Life, and I've reached the part on Ministry. Our cell group was going round in a circle suggesting what we could do with our abilities and spiritual gifts. When it came to me, everyone started throwing out things I have been doing: bass, design, backdrops. But somehow the newcomer sensed that I don't "want to be associated with that". It's not really that I feel exploited, as he thought, but I do wish that I could serve in a way that brings me closer to people. Not just an individual spending of skill. Not just from the computer, not just from the stage. Maybe I'm just like the annoying girl in the skit today who wanted to exchange her spiritual gifts at the store. Maybe I should treasure what I have and be happy. But there is the Heart factor, and sometimes when all I have to offer is my skill, I feel my heart grow a little colder.