6 months

Questions I ask myself when six months pregnant:

1. Will my belly button still be mine when it swells into an outie? It's halfway there. And already looking unfamiliar.

2. Will k still find me desirable when I'm more balloon than woman?

3. This full feeling I have, like a soccer ball's been implanted where there used to be space to breathe. Is it really going to get worse?

4. What will I feel the night I take little T home? Will it be the same kind of "what have we done" panic I felt lying in bed listening to our new kittens run amok, feeling absolutely no attachment to them yet, just a heavy sense of having signed a fifteen-year contract?

5. And yet, how soon will it take till the inevitable happens, when I grow to love the little one more than anything I currently love?

6. Am I eating enough extra calories?

7. How will I fit all this new baby furniture into our study room? Where will our stuff go?

It's nice to not know all the answers. I wonder if this is what it will be like to finally go up to Heaven. To emerge from this dark womb we call home, and finally see true Light. To finally see the face of our Father, whose voice we only hear in muffles, and who we believe in because He sustains us.