let lemons be angry

I refuse to think about my future until it is absolutely necessary to. I don't want to sadden any teacher with my halfhearted presence, so i'll have to fork out some enthusiasm to keep his spirits alive. The last few days have seen nothing but project work. I can still smell stef's room and taste those peanut nougats. Nice things to remember, but when linked with something unpleasant, become the opposite. Come monday, come quick. It hasn't quite struck me that chinese ao's in two days' time. I'm just biding my time till this week is done, till next week is done, till--till the rest of my life has come, i suppose. There's everything and nothing to look forward to. But not to question my Maker, who made the northern lights and the moon's shifting silhouette and the spray of waves and sunsets. Sunsets. Why does that word make me stop. If everything i've lived for is fleeting and everything i'm keeping alive for is fleeting too, how am i supposed to put my heart in the things around me. Little bits of my heart whizzing past, torn from me, into the things that won't come back. I want to live a meaningful life, but for what? i haven't stopped being confused, but i've found peace in trusting that God will calm all storms, and maybe that's a start. I did say i'd never be one of those jaded confused youths, but here i am, pausing to wonder how long it will take for sunsets to return.