let lemons be angry

"There's the certainty of death and a small chance of success. So what are we waiting for?"

At last the Lord of The Rings is complete in visual form in my head. The snob in me wishes people who don't understand why it's so long, or who don't understand it would just not watch it. The same logic that goes for wishing listeners of lewd mandopop would spare songs like "swing swing" from listening contamination. (All the songs go into the same head and have to share intellectual space forevermore, think about that.) I think the movie did capture what was important in Tolkien's book, and my imagination of Gondor and the battlescenes couldn't have been better than Peter Jackson's. There are those who reject all attempts of the media to sell slightly tweaked versions of literary classics, and then there are those like me, who are happy with what they can get, if it's good enough. And this was more than good enough. I can understand why some girls are so hung up on Legolas, but when it comes to the Man, it's Faramir. He's not as squeaky clean as Legolas, and neither is his face webbed over with wet hair and mud like Aragorn's. Faramir.

I roughly know how many christmas cards to expect every year from the messages i receive asking for my address. I'd like to send christmas cards too, but i want them to be surprises in the mail. So i never ask anyone for their addresses (if not it wouldn't be a surprise) and so no cards get sent. That's a limp excuse. Like treading water. Something i read today. Treading water--when you can neither act out your decision in full nor turn back. I've been treading water in every way this year. Moderately satisfied with less than success, exerting just enough effort to stay afloat but never moving anywhere. Then there have been some shores that i've reached at long last, like understanding history, and i believe i reach more shores with each week that passes. Just don't pull me back, and don't drag me down. I've decided that i can only save you as long as my own life is out of danger. It's not a self-sacrificing thing to say, and therefore perhaps not noble in your eyes, but i will choose my battles. Yes, it is a battle to me. Charmian and i were talking about the extent one will fight for her own happiness, and we created psychotic happy characters who killed anyone who stood in the way of their happiness. Would i do that? Maybe not, but i won't let myself be killed either. Me--that person who loves many things and laughs at everyone, whose inner expressions are reflected on the drugculture-ish girls she draws, who hates to be cast away, who feels vulnerable talking about herself and who therefore feels vulnerable now--"me" is important too, i'm sorry to say. I can't let myself die, for i die in so many ways. Realistically, i can't live another "Foolish Games", can't wait outside and look in on you, can't wonder what the rain whispers in your ear. I'm looking for a new theme song, because the songs in my head now don't resonate with what i am anymore. Not "you belong to me", not "punk rock princess", not any of those heart-shredding songs that run themselves over and again on my playlist. Something with strength, something about running, something about living. Preferably, something with a female voice this time.