let lemons be angry

The day before valentine's day, i was boxing myself up into a dark hole getting all jealous of the j1s. They're having the time of their lives. New faces to familiarize, endless possibilities. I listened to the cranberries again and did my Once and Again soliloquy because it was a perfect black night. There're too many ironies in life, i thought. I didn't want to do anything at all, i didn't even try to fill up the sour emptiness that comes when an entire day has been busy but means nothing. It takes rowdy school events to make you realize that you want a bit of quiet above it all, with just one person and time to kill.

But valentine's day is a day to celebrate those who have done nice things to the heart. No matter how cliched or contrived that day is, the hooha and the gimmicks never fail to remind you of special people and special things. Even if you cringe at the overpriced and ugly bouquets, or the girls holding huge heart-shaped balloons, you secretly recognise the sweetness in all of it. Let everyday be valentine's day, some say. I don't think so. We created this day as an excuse to make love omnipresent and obviously so, so let's just enjoy it. I enjoyed mine. I enjoyed looking at the couples on the streets, in cafes, on the train, holding flowers or enormous soft toys or each other's hands. I enjoyed watching. Because i realised that love doesn't have to be original or witty or elegant. It can be cliched and cheesy but it will still be perfectly sincere. And i can laugh all i want at the sad little plastic roses, but i'd still want one. And love doesn't just belong to those who are in love. There's a difference between being in love and loving someone, even if it's a subtle difference. I'm looking at a vaseful of red roses (25! from last night's party) in full bloom, and thinking of my valentines. Thank you all for your chocolates, flowers, brownies, cards, or afternoon.

Well I'm so far away
Each step that I take is on my way home
A king's ransom in dimes I'd give each night
to see through this payphone
still I run out of time or it's hard to get through
till the bird on the wire flies me back to you
i'll just close my eyes and whisper, baby blind love is true