let lemons be angry

It comes when everyone's talking and you want them to be quiet but you also want to be talked to. It comes when the world thinks you're loved and lifted. It comes when you need to share that rare thought with someone and don't know who to call. It comes in the last few hours of the day, when you realise you again haven't done anything to change your life. It comes when you see young people, happy people, laughing people, who all have more fascinating things to do than you do. It comes when you walk into a room full of faces that don't look up. It comes when you finger your bag and try to look busy when you'd actually do anything for anyone, if they asked you to. It comes when you see names you recognise but can't call. It comes when you find yourself imagining that such-and-such happens and you realise you hope it will happen. It comes when you hear a song that means more to you than it could mean to anyone else. It comes in waves. It comes and it comes with such power that you almost falter in whatever you're doing; you want to quit and you want to cry. It comes and it taunts you about the past you can't even pick remnants from, and it taunts you about the future you don't seem to have.

And there you are, strong and independent and everything you wish you were.