let lemons be angry

Imagine a world without clocks. Time is independent of clocks; time will still go on. But there wouldn't be those morbid reminders everywhere, reminders that time is passing, reminders that we have to move on to other activities.

My mother said i have been influenced by my first cat, since she was my growing up companion. I think so too. As strange as it is, the person i am most like in this house is my cat.

Today was TaiTai Day, but we behaved more like little girls, giggling in the water for no reason and trying to surf underwater on foam boards. Then we took a trip down to raffles city for high tea, ending it with a very sweet raspberry and walnut something. Days like these are most exciting when anticipated, and they end before any memories are properly stored. We need days like these to keep sane. Yet i'm not the little girl who can live on perfect days like that anymore. I've come to need a little more. Perfect days, even bad days, mundane chores, surprises-- they're only significant when turned into fodder for conversation, little somethings to tell someone about. That's a kundera idea, not even an original thought. But it shows i've been reading. When you have nobody to tell things to. I think that's when you feel alone.

I look forward to the rest of my life and all it'll bring. My own big adventures, my independent road, a breaking away from all of this. But will i really be happy, going on that independent road without someone to describe it to? For i'm that last kind of person, the kind that needs a pair of imaginary eyes following her everywhere, the kind that sees her very life as a tv serial, the kind who wants to live for someone else. I'm in great danger of despising myself for saying that.