let lemons be angry

let's take a walk into the sky

conversing with the stars to fathom why

they're not afraid to burn

to lose themselves while turning into light

Wednesday and i couldn't take it anymore.  Anger can't survive if no one expects it.  I was a little pink (and flowery!) punjabi girl for the day, complete with my little milk-can-on-head and corn-in-apron playact with joeun as director.  I think if i were indian and had to wear pretty silky things that flounce around the ankles everyday, i'd be quite a demure soul who thought of flowers and marriages all day long.  But i'm not.  Last year's racial harmony day was more of an affair.  It was when i realised how special our class was.  Oh weren't we the enthusiastic young things back then, entirely decked out in colours, even the guys, for all the canteen to see (and admire and judge and snub or whatever, but it was fun).  And running from class to class in garments that really weren't good for running.  And pictures, and more pictures.  And admiring svelte waists. And winning the rice crackers for which we had apparently dressed up to win.  This year it was a casual fun thing, the last we would ever have.  This is where i drift into thoughts of how i miss school already even before it's over.

I can see it as clearly as if it were in picture form.  There was an obstacle of the location last week, and this week another obstacle presents itself in the form of lethargy, discouragement, faithlessness.  But away with all those obstacles.  They are nothing in the face of the Almighty God.  Like Gimli when he said, "There's a small chance of success and the certainty of death.  So what are we waiting for?"  I have that feeling again, that wonderful feeling of being at the threshold of something greater, something beyond what i know.  Freefalling.  I know what i need to let go of before i can truly soar, but as it is, i'm still torn between this and that.

An extraordinary Love

offers heal for hurt and kind for cruelty

Words are not enough

Revolution might begin with you and me

All i want to be now is a star that loses itself so it can turn into light.  Maybe alone, but that may be how it will have to be.