let lemons be angry

Credit goes to Victor Gan for the new blue template. He can't remove the "thoughts in blue" so i shall try to live with it. Everyone turn to him for template changes!

My head's weighted, as it has been these days. And i'm thinking of these past few years the way kevin spacey saw his life go by at the end of American Beauty. Film clips, relevant film clips, one after the other. Sitting opposite mrs chia on a saturday morning, having to answer that awful question that no student wants to hear: "do you understand what's going on?" as we look through my skinny essay together. No i didn't understand what seasian history was all about. Switch. "And he pulled his grades up one by one to an A..." Really? Switch. Carrying books, pencilcase, phone and discman to a table deep within the library, very afraid something will fall and make everyone look round. Oh the library is the most eventful of all places. Switch. Passing the digital camera and the paperbag back and forth in front of the lockers, making a moment out of nothing. Switch. Making notes for every single John Donne poem and finally understanding that he is a genius. Switch. Walking into the scary new world of njc, orphaned by mr liew abruptly and left to fend for ourselves. The art rooms were larger than they look now, and our talents seemed smaller. Switch. Eating soba and teriyaki chicken opposite mr lee, with absolutely nothing to say about film. Switch. Kittens in the art room in a box, mogu and monster, wet fur and the smell of milk everywhere. Switch. Doing history readings out of need and interest on a red couch at cafe galilee over pineapple soda and chicken tendersticks. My friends are right. Few people remember things the way i do. Switch. Maths done with my two precious formula sheets, and me running everywhere to look for the one that fluttered downstairs. The adorable little boy that found it and kept it in his locker.

Fastforward to this day, when i see that it's all been worth it. The blessings in disguise of not getting the provisional humanities scholarship, being left by mr liew, slaving over sums that wouldn't obey, being wrecked by history in the first few months, having less time for everything because of one ginormous art project--it's all been worth it. I knew it was worth it the day school ended and i found myself a different person from 2002. The "why, God?"s turned into songs of praise. Of course there are the things there are no answers for. Like why isn't mr ho here to see my e8 turn into a b4? And what happened to my chinese? And, aren't you even curious, or are you that selfish? And the rest of the why-did-it-have-to-happens. But those questions don't need answers. Not right now. I'm convinced once again of Your plan for me. I'm human and i forget miracles, though i never should. That's why i'm writing it down, so i won't forget.