let lemons be angry

Out of the belly of a whale

Why do I like going to meta every year? Because it feels like the safest place in a modern city, no crude jokes or even one vulgar word, no posters screaming out the love of corruption, just hearts soft for God. And soft i became, as all my questions about the last few months were answered point blank. I watched the writhing horse in the Horse Whisperer clip as if i was watching myself cry into my pillow at night. It took the storm and the fish to floor me, to force me into the right position to receive God's love. He's been fighting for my attention all the while.

And there are the little things too, like bass and backdrops, white trees and pastel leaves, new friends and vanished hatred, encouragement cards and sitting on the floor. I wish i could play with the meta band again not only because of their experience but because of their worshipful spirit: the lion leader, the eccentric guitarist, the lookalike lead guitarist, the nice-girl keyboardist, the only-child drummer. I know so many more people in ntu crusade now, which will make semester 2 that much better. Triplets joyce and justina, my cg mates who revel in 1 am intellectualism, champ who got funnier towards the end of camp and who never actually had a bob, and random people who wished me a happy birthday at the december babies party.

Was meta life-changing again? No, and thankfully too, for that means i didn't have many issues left in my life to be sorted out. But definitely route-altering. I went all the way to hong kong and vietnam and back to find myself, when i should have first looked with still feet and closed eyes.