let lemons be angry

Remember this? We were so young. Puffy faces, luscious hair.

Today I greeted my friends with "finally, my friends!" in a hoarse voice because I hadn't been talking all day. One last semester of university left, and I have already used up all my friendliness, it seems. I can't muster up the energy to make a new friend.

So I spend most of my week sitting in corners of classes, smiling perfunctorily at neighbors if we're asked to greet each other, and walking out to keep warm whenever I can. I've always felt independent, taking classes by myself. This semester is different; I've unlearnt independence and I find myself needing all the companionship I can get before april comes and we scatter.

There is much I will miss. Already some pre-loved routines have been edged out over time: supper, waffles, lectures together, as if school is peeling my fingers off it for a calmer separation when the time comes.

I am very calm and ready to go.