let lemons be angry

I've come to see that I will never understand what it means to love a sibling. I look at k and his, and am amazed that there are still whole worlds I will never get to explore. I often imagined that I would have a brother like a Protector, or a little brother like a mini-son. But that's the best my imagination can do.

Am I an introvert--or am I just an only child? I find my way in more easily with animals than with people, barging into their territories with hugs. Sometimes I think that if I had siblings, I would be a better leader, a more effervescent marketing representative, a more successful designer. I would be friends with all the sales people and never get conned. But maybe not.

I certainly wouldn't have so much space to be reflective, if I had siblings. Or I might find my inherent need for space squandered by my siblings, and be a recluse out of the house. I will never know. And those with siblings wouldn't be able to tell me, because they've never spent a life as an only child. So it remains a mystery for us all.

Without a team behind me, I've learnt to operate independently. I wonder if the brother I imagine having would tolerate my long baths, celebrate my graduation, or approve of the company I keep. Maybe brothers don't need to do all those things.