Upside-down World

 Gut punch- 

when my debit card is declined at the SMRT gantry because I don’t even have $3.28 in my bank account.

When I pull out cash for surprised cashiers, bills found from old angpows and gifts meant for my children. 

When I don’t buy the hair conditioner because I can live with frazzled hair for another two weeks.

When I tell the therapist honestly that I can only afford one class a week for T instead of the recommended two.

And a deeper gut punch a few days later, this time cutting right through to my spirit-

When the therapist replies with, “We would like to offer Theo a subsidised rate of $15/class as both of you are full-time church workers and we would like to support your family’s mission.”

You always come back in the second round. Swoop in as the Saviour we watched the skies for. Clutch us close so we are wrapped up in You and see nothing else. Put coins in our palms and press them in. 

We live in freefall, unlike the parents I see at the school gate who have invested their way to ski holidays and are chauffeured to their children’s tennis lessons. They sleep well at night patting their belly vaults full of gold. They sip wine in serene anticipation of the retirement they’re securing through five-figure jobs. 

We freefall- with no idea where we will land when we’re 65. We celebrate birthdays knowing it will bankrupt us for the month. 

But then You come and catch us with exactly what we need and couldn’t ask anybody for.

In these mid-air moments, looking up at You as I hold on for dear life, I know what You’re saying to us. 

So I know we are actually not falling down to earth, but flying heavenward in an upside-down world.