let lemons be angry

metamorphosis: transformed by truth

I went for the camp because i knew nothing bad could come out of it. But it was better than "nothing bad"; it was everything good. Moments of pure joy come rarely, and consecutive days of such joy come almost never. There's always something at the bottom of the heart dying a slow death or pulling the soul down, that little black cloud hovering over a perfect sky. But i almost dare to say that my little black cloud has dissolved. It's been forgiven for its tears, and it asks no more tears of me. I'm free. So now when i'm sitting in the bus and my thoughts wander, i smile at something built of treacle. I didn't realise it was a burden that held me back until i was told to cancel it off my sheet of paper, and i couldn't bring my pen to draw that erasing line across it. And i didn't realise how heavy a burden it was until i felt so light without it.

There are other things i will always remember the camp for. The prayer labryinth, more than two hours of turning off all that inside noise and focusing on God. Thursday when i made that breakthrough and finally stripped off that spirit of fear. Learning how to live so that stars and dots won't stick. Being encouraged by chinai and zhifen. Hanging people's wishing stars on our little tree. And the ridiculous bits of fun, like "christopher", "esther's brother", georgie's mart, my apparently funny ballet socks, psyched-up manda, the hey britney girls, bong being so embarrassing with her "rj rj" thing, the ma tong boy who didn't know he was a ma tong, jo's taka tree, dangling an ant's carcass over slacking ants as a warning for lazy behaviour and watching them go berserk, dipping clothes in ralph lauren romance, the pocky dance, eating chocolate pudding with my fingers, and so many silly silly things.

I'm filling my days up with lovely things. I was actually one of those mad ones in the mango sale yesterday although i didn't find anything. And i stayed over at sheila's impromptu. Tuition today--i'm getting better at this. Now i know how to mark her sums and answer her random non-maths-related questions at the same time ("Yup, uh-huh, not anymore" does the trick for most things) Compulsory class party on monday to squeeze as much out of dharma as we can before she leaves us, and most likely babysitting in the morning. Playing again tomorrow after a hiatus of what seems like forever. Why do sighs kill fairies? I'm sighing such a pleasant, contented sigh.