let lemons be angry

What is the sweetest thing? Being cried for, screamed for, then smiled for. It's nat-- he "wants this one", as he puts it when he wants me. We had lunch with the whole family and he was rather anti-social. Didn't even smile back at me, just stayed where he was and looked away. But then when the families parted and he saw me walking away, he "was devastated and let out this big cry". His mum called my mum to say he was screaming his head off, and to ask if we could just pop by later for tea so i could play with him a while. This heart of mine is turning to pudding. So i went over and watched him radiate with that bashful smile of his, listen to him tell me about his trucks and trains, and let him entertain me. I never do say much, just ask him little questions, repeat things he says, and read to him when he wants me to. (Thomas the Tank Engine must be the most boring children's book around. But then again, i'm not a little boy. And what awful British adult names too. Thomas. James. Percy.) And when i left he gave me a hug. More like rammed himself into my middle and then ran off, but i hear my heart swelling already.

What do you think of this? "The Klutz Chef" on tv, every thursday night or saturday morning. Starring me, the biggest klutz, in the kitchen. i think it'd be quite a hit. A change from all those flawless cooks who measure out perfect proportions and have their sparkling little dishes with chopped ingredients all laid out in a row on the counter. No, here's someone who doesn't chop it until the oil's already sizzling. And half her flour's on the floor. A cookshow to teach the hapless housewives and klutzes like me how to put together something decent, and how to serve dishes that show no sign of having been salvaged/screamedover/bought. I was just about to make a smoothie the other night, having frozen a few bananas in preparation a day ago, when this splendid idea popped into my head. It'd be quite funny, i thought. Then i started making my smoothie, and realised i should have peeled the bananas before freezing them. The Klutz Chef whipped out a knife and carved away the skin. Then with the bananas thawing on the counter, searched frantically for the smoothie recipe. Nowhere to be found, but that's okay. So the Klutz Chef threw in the bananas, a cup of ice, a block of cookies and cream ice cream, milk, and squeezed a lemon into it. Blended. Ta-dah: not quite a smoothie, but a very refreshing Banana Slush to be eaten with a spoon. It makes more than three cups, considering the portion that spilled on the table. And it was lovely--the lemon makes it really fresh, and the ice cream gives it that little bit of sweetness. There was more ice than smoothies call for, so it was a smooth sherbet meltdown. I'd give my viewers two very important pieces of advice though: firstly, do do peel the bananas before freezing them (don't say it's obvious, please don't) and secondly, squeeze the lemons over a sieve. I had to spit out a lot of seeds.

Um, this doesn't mean any of you should worry about the Christmas Eve dinner at my place. It will be perfect. For one, i'm not cooking the things that matter. The turkey, needless to say, will be untouched by me. If you've watched bridget jones's diary, you'd know about her three courses of blue soup, omelette and marmalade. It won't be that bad, and even if it will, how fun!

Going for camp tomorrow, and it once again feels like "i'm on the threshold of something wonderful". Except now the wonderful is complete.