let lemons be angry

The first thing i ever wanted to be was a farmer. I had a wool rug on my room floor that had stick drawings of fields and wheat, and i would pretend to plough the fields all afternoon. Then i wanted to be the girl who minced coconut with a noisy machine in the market and scooped it out into plastic bags. When i was about six "Coroners' File" came out on channel 8, and i proceeded to have my dolls murdered so i could do forensic work on their corpses. I even asked my mum to buy me white gloves. I was rather into science. I had a mini microscope kit with specimens of pollen and various small things on glass plates. I pictured myself pouring colorful steaming liquids from flask to flask, with pipes spluttering in the background. School came along and shattered all my visions of a future in chemistry, and i grew to know myself as a girl good in things i'd never fantasized about, like the arts, and bad in everything i'd hoped to build careers from. Life turns itself around that way, and now if i were to play "fantasy job" i wouldn't know what to play.

There are a few dreams in reach though. Playing lorelai and suki is still fun, and i would love to set up a little inn or restaurant and have classic rock piped into the dining area while the people sup on vietnamese spring rolls and sage pesto on shitake. Or: models on the runway, painted white with red lips, with crazy poofy grey hair, in Wonderland clothes. Or : Cannes film festival. The last dream is most in reach, Central St Martin's fashion design school being the only one i'd go to and being so faraway and specialised, and my bank account being too small to build a restaurant from. So it's media, from pure elimination. Let's give it a whirl.