I will always remember this day of absolute peace. Because peace has been a rare commodity these days, paid for dearly in cash and tears. But here it is at last, and it looks like it is here to stay.
It started with swimming in the morning, or what was half-laughing-half-paddling across an empty pool and choosing the miss universe jacuzzi to hide in. Then we took a long walk to the polo club for lunch, and i rocked on my chair gazing out at the field believing without effort that i had left singapore completely. Back for a few hours of flea market preparation, which led me to think that i will die one day in my sewing chair blind and glued together. Then it was number 5 emerald hill for thin salami and capers pizza and lychee martinis (cloyingly bittersweet and slightly regretted). We tried getting a table at Balcony after that, but it was packed with settled and sleazy folk. So coffee club it was, before aimei had to be special-mission whisked home in time to worried parents.
Today was supposed to be a major goods production day, but i'm too at peace with myself to try harder. For one, getting a flea market stall is for my pleasure, not really to make money or to win the affections of the average flea market shopper. Another reason i'm sitting here listening to dawn's playlist and "resting" instead of sewing more earrings is i've run out of earring hooks. I'm already feeling quite ridiculous for buying more beads and lace than i can use in months, and forgetting basic things like earring hooks.
I hope this peaceful feeling lasts, because i'm tired of disturbing dreams and sad people-watching nights in town. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself and taking my millions of blessings for granted. Last night's Bold Truth Rally worship was really inspiring, and what i'm really looking forward to 'd now is Metamorphosis. I'd forgotten how amazing it was to stand among hundreds of ardent worshippers. It's like that, isn't it--we can only hold on to one thing at a time, and for very long my mind has been on something else entirely. It's time to go back to God with a whole heart, not bits and pieces of my heart or my leftover time and passion. Leftover passion isn't passion at all. You'd think i'd remember important things like that.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
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julie
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12/15/2005 02:08:00 AM
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