let lemons be angry

It's fabulous that I don't have any words burning in my throat to be written in a secret Unsent Letter book of sorts. Life now is as transparent as I always claim to be. Days are filled with communication drills to get us to be better public speakers, and music practices that put thai songs in my head all night. I've watched myself on video so many times that I now know the sound of my voice. (And I also now know that I have a stony neutral expression, and that I curl my wrists and fingers about when I talk. And that I look better without hair falling into my eyes.) Plus I think I've partly overcome my fear of singing in front of people, after twenty timid years. All i obsess about is the next day's music. There's no time to be idle over eyebrows and old stories and the same shops everyday. Wonderful wonderful. I am a clear sky with a purpose.

Some diversions are good for the soul, though. Like meeting dharma muthu subramaniam tonight after a gazillion years. Burger King made a special vegetarian burger for her, and we talked and talked and talked until there were no more streets for us to walk on. Talking to dharma makes me energetic. My body remembers how hyper I was every day of jc, and dramatizes stories to startling proportions. Purdue hasn't changed the crazy girl one bit, and I love being noisy with her. Silly fools looking for silly fools. It's always her, sheila and me, squinting in the sun by the pool in that beautiful photo--how I remember my mad jc days. They both took off to america after that, leaving me to realise that I've been chinese all this while.

Right now i think it would be lovely to sit under a tree and play chess with another old man. Yes, that makes me the first old man. I dream beyond gender. Last night I dreamt i was a warrior on a horse, protecting the princesses from wolves/monsters. I fought well and valiantly with my sword, slaying many oncoming creatures rather bloodily. We were all on a forested hill, and I rode alone to look down from the cliff, and down to the valley to explore the pond. When the war was over, I rode to meet my bride, who was still hiding in her tent. I had the impression that she was wearing a flowy purple dress, but I woke up before I actually got to the wedding. Somehow i think my dream was influenced by the singapore idol trailer of florence lian and dick lee slaying contestants like characters in a streetfighter game. That was a good ad. For once.