let lemons be angry

After a long showcase weekend, we finally sat back and enjoyed music for its own sake. The band room was transformed into a little chillout area with mini cheesecupcakes and finger food, and rugs and couches to slouch about in. Lights were dancing, the ForeRunner Board of Fame was set up, and the stage was open to anyone who wanted to fulfill a musical fantasy.

Noel's mat rocker fantasy was fulfilled with his amazingly axl rose-y November Rain, and later our band took the stage with our surprise songs. It had to be oasis. Everyone was singing along and swaying until the room looked like it would capsize.

But what i felt most in that room was something of a milder colour. I felt it when dotz sang the song that made her, sharon and jae cry, i felt it when hansel sang his heart-melting audition song, and i felt it when sharon sang My Immortal. I don't even like My Immortal. But sitting there on the blue rug in the middle of a blue room full of people i'd only gotten to know last month, i was not immune to the colour. Those three times, i saw us all as lonely individuals who had followed God down the paths we'd started on, and had found ourselves here together in this room tonight. Collectively, we plan and produce. But individually, we hope, we covet, we cry. And all my life, i've been hoping, and coveting, and never crying in front of anybody. Never singing to an audience, never offering the first word, never doing anything to jeopardize the peace that comes from being mysterious and reserved. And always, always, I wait. I wait upon the one and only Lord, and i try not to wonder. I try not to tap my foot while i wait. I ask Him what i should do with words that won't be said, what i should do with time that's gone, and the answer is not always pleasant. But i try, and I've been content. And all the waiting and hoping and wishes shot out to a gaping sky simmers down to this: me on the rug, entirely alone for the first time in my life.

Ok God, no crutches now. Just You.